Jar of Hearts (Songfic)
"Dawnfall?" That voice, once so seductive to her, safe, familiar. Now, hearing her name spoken in that voice sent chills down her spine, caused her paws to itch to turn and run. Dawnfall could only stare ahead at him - all sleek dark brown fur, broad shoulders, brooding yellow eyes. His expression beckoned to her, asked her to come to him. Once upon a time she would've done just that, flung herself across the distance between them to stand eagerly at his side. It had been such a reward, filled her with pride, to be able to walk at his side before. And now she couldn't even make her paws move in his direction. I know I can't take one more step towards you Cus all that's waiting is regret "Dawnfall?" he asked again, adding another layer to that already irresistable voice. No! She wouldn't give in. She'd watched as he left three she-cats in the nursery pregnant with his kits at one time, just because he liked being able to take advantage of them, just because he was so popular they wouldn't say no. Dawnfall had watched by as he came home each morning with a different she-cat at his side, watched the same she-cat move to the nursery not a moon later. Thinking it was normal, acceptable, so long as he stil looked at her the way he did and said he name the same way. "Never again," Dawnfall whispered to herself, squeezing her eyes shut. "What was that?" he called to her, his lips twitching into a faint smirk. She held her breath. One, two, three. Dawnfall took a deep breath and opened her eyes, lifted her head to lock gazes with him. And don't you know, I'm not your ghost anymore You lost the love I loved the most "I'm not going to be your plaything anymore, Darkfire. She-cats are toys to you - half of the kits in this Clan were fathered by you, and I bet you don't even know their names. I was stupid, I fell for a player and lost the game. But never again. Never again." And with that, she took those few steps forward to brush past him, into camp, away from him forever. I learned to live half-alive, and now you want me one more time? And who do you think you are, running around leaving scars? Dawnfall sat in camp early the next morning, yawning and fluffing up her pelt to fend off the early chill. Her friend Dovesong sat at her side, unusually quiet and still. "Everything all right?" Dawnfall asked her in a murmur, keeping her eyes fixed on the deputy, Cloudstorm, as he announced the day's patrols. Dovesong shifted beside her, not responding, and sensing something wrong Dawnfall turned to her gray-and-white friend. "What?" Dovesong shifted her paws, her blue eyes uneasy. "You and Darkfire-" she began, looking awkward. "Are nothing now," Dawnfall snapped back, anger even at the mention of the tom's name spiking a flash of heat in her. "Nothing. We never were anything." Dovesong looked sick, her body sagging. "Dovesong, what is the matter?" "I'm pregnant," her friend whispered at last, looking as if she might retch. "With his kits. Darkfire's. He - he promised me forever - but I've talked to three other pregnant queens who were told the same thing by him-" "Oh, Dovesong," Dawnfall breathed, pressing her muzzle to her friend's neckfur. "But what about that other tom of yours? Brackenstep-" "I left him for Darkfire!" Dovesong screeched, the fur on the back of her neck prickling. "I- I thought I loved Darkfire more than him! I broke Brackenstep's heart, and now that I'm expecting kits he'll never want me again..." She trailed off and whimpered, her body slumping even more, looking small and pitiful and afraid. Dawnfall's hatred rose, impossibly, and when she turned and caught Darkfire's gaze across camp she sank her claws into earth, wishing it were his throat. Collecting your jar of hearts, tearing love apart You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside your soul Dawnfall lay in camp at sunhigh, grooming her fur after her midday meal. Her eyes were closed, focused at the task at hand, but she slit one eye open at the sound of squeals and chitters. Four kits were play-wrestling on a grassy patch outside the nursery, pummeling each other with soft, small paws. Dawnfall purred in amusement, watching them tussle, wondering after a moment which of the queens in the nursery was their mother, and where they were. Her gaze was drawn to a ginger queen sitting in a shadowed patch near the kits, sitting sprawled on her side, nearly completely still save for the slight twitching of her tail-tip. Her name was Gingerlight, Dawnfall recalled, and was quite young to have kits already - she had only been a warior for a few short moons. Dawnfall had thought Gingerlight had been watching her kits, the tail-twitching that of amusement - but following the ginger she-cat's line of sight, she realized the queen was staring at Darkfire. Dawnfall felt a spike of anger poke at her; Darkfire was murmuring into the ear of a tabby she-cat, Brindlestripe, who was giggling, swishing her tail. Gingerlight's green eyes were dark as she watched, and Dawnfall concluded sadly that Darkfire must have been the father of her kits. So don't come back for me, who do you think you are? I hear your asking all around, if I am anywhere to be found "Hey, you four! Kits! Come here." Dawnfall got to her paws, calling to Gingerlight's kits, who scampered over curiously. Their mother's ears flicked, but she didn't make a move to try to call them back. "See Darkfire over there? Talking to Brindlestripe?" Dawnfall asked the kits, fighting to keep her voice light and excited, though her insides felt like a dead weight in her body. The kits all nodded, looking intrigued. "I've got a game for you all. You four are warriors, defending your Clan - and Darkfire is an enemy warrior, trying to get into the nursery." "We can't let that happen!" a tiny ginger she-kit yelped, bouncing into the air and nearly losing her balance, half-falling onto her brother Cedarkit. The tomkit shoved his sister away, scowling, but Cherrykit didn't seem to notice. "Go get him!" Dawnfall cried, and the kits turned, wailing battle cries and flinging themselves across the camp. All four of them slammed into Darkfire at the same time, and he toppled onto his flank, letting out a screech. The four kits pummeled his body with tiny paws, and the tom was so shocked he didn't even try to get to his paws to defend himself. Dawnfall met his gaze through a gap in the writhing kits. Without saying a word, she turned and crawled into the warrior's den. But I have grown too strong, to ever fall back in your arms I learned to live half-alive, and now you want me one more time? "Hey, Dawnfall?" She cracked one eye open, trying to feign sleepiness, though she hadn't slept at all after the symbolistic kit-attack on Darkfire. She'd simply sat in her nest, eyes closed, tail curled over her nose, not sleeping but trying to fend off any and all thoughts that came to her. "What, Cloudfoot?" she mumbled, uncurling her tail away from her muzzle so she could speak. The black tom's shoulders were so broad that he blocked all of the sunlight from the den enterance - all Dawnfall could see of him was his dark outline. "All of the apprentices were taken out for training and the queens need their nests clean...I don't mean to say you're a disposable warrior to us, but-" "You want me to help out," Dawnfall finished, getting to her paws and stretching. "No problem, Cloudfoot. I'd like something to do." Cloudfoot looked relieved and dipped his head to her, backing out of the den. Dawnfall followed; her stance may have seemed casual, but in her head she had her own reasons for agreeing to clean the nursery. She was going to need the help of the queens. And who do you think you are, running around leaving scars? Collecting your jar of hearts, tearing love apart "Hello, Dawnfall." The voice belonged to a pretty silver she-cat; Snowfeather. Her green eyes gazed up at Dawnfall as two tiny kits scrabbled along her flank. The other two queens, Honeyflower and Moontail, murmured their hellos, too busy trying to keep their kits under control. Dawnfall mewed a greeting and set down the moss she had collected; she wanted to ask the queens her favor before she got to work. Honeyflower lifted her golden head curiously, her single son Ravenkit batting her paws impatiently as she diverted her attention from him. "I have a favor to ask of you three. I understand completely if you're not willing to do, but first I need to ask - is the father of any of your kits Darkfire?" Dawnfall was horrified when all three she-cat's eyes darkened - they exchanged glances, guessed the unspoken prospect, and shifted uncomfortably. "He told me I was special," Moontail whispered, sweeping her gray tail around her daughter Featherkit. "That he had never met a she-cat like me. When he offered to be my mate, I...I didn't know how to say no. I didn't want to say no." "He said to me I was a fighter," Snowfeather growled; the vibrations rippled through her flanks, and her kits squeaked, snuggling into their mother's fur. "That I was one of the strongest she-cats - physically and mentally. He appeared to adore me. I loved the attention. Didn't think twice." She pressed her nose into her kit's fur and closed her eyes. "He said he admired how I was quiet," Honeyflower murmured. curling her tail over her paws. "He said it made me wiser - I thought about things more than I acted on them, and it made me smart. I...I guess I really didn't think, after him." She sighed, and Dawnfall felt her heart breaking. Honeyflower, Moontail, Snowfeather, Dovesong, and her - those were five she-cats right there that had been influenced by him, and who knew how many others? You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside your soul So don't come back for me, who do you think you are? "We need to stop this," Moontail hissed into the silence that followed Honeyflower's words. "This can't go on - all the disrespect she-cats are earning from him. Darkfire needs to be exposed, and before he puts another three innocent she-cats in the nursery too young." Honeyflower and Snowfeather mewed agreements, their eyes hard with a determined glint. "That's part of the reason why I'm here," Dawnfall murmured, her hopes rising at seeing how hungry these cats were for justice on their unreliable mate. "You've got a plan?" Snowfeather asked, her tail-tip twitching. Dawnfall nodded, and Honeyfeather squealed. "Share," the golden queen demanded, and the other two nodded. Dawnfall purred and crouched down, the other three falling into a circle around her. "So here's the plan..." Dear, it took so long just to feel all right Remember how to put back the light in my eyes "StarClan honors your courage and bravery." As the Clan below began to chant out the name of the newly made warrior - a spotted tom name Ashflight, whose fur was spiked with excitement - Dawnfall let her gaze wander, catching Dovesong's eye. Her friend nodded, almost imperceptably, and Dawnfall felt her heart pick up speed. Show time. As the chants died down, and the cats got to their paws, ready to go back to their duties, Dovesong shot to her paws, calling out to draw the attention back. "I have an announcement to make as well!" she cried, looking to Sunstar for permission. The leader just waved his tail, and Dovesong turned to face the curious gazes of her Clan as they turned back to her. "I'm expecting kits," she declared proudly, puffing out her chest. "Darkfire and I. They should be due within the next moon." Most of the toms murmured congratulations - one nudged Darkfire's shoulder good-naturedly, but the dark tabby tom was frozen with horror. "What?" he screeched, his fur spiking out. "She's lying! I never mated with her - she can't be expecting my kits-" But just as practiced, all of the she-cats who had birthed a litter that Darkfire had fathered, got angrily to their paws and raised their voices. "But my kits have a father in Darkfire!" A she-cat with apprenticed daughters cried out, her eyes flashing in anger. "What? Darkfire fathered my kits!" another shrieked, lashing her tail. A chorus of angry she-cats calling out that Darkfire was the father to their kits rose up around the camp - leaving all of the toms and unaffected she-cats stunned, and Darkfire looking as if he might faint on the spot. I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed 'Cause you broke all your promises "Darkfire?" Brindlestripe's voice was shaking; she was pressed up behind him, her eyes wide. "They - they're not telling the truth, right? I thought...I thought I was your mate." Her blue eyes were clouded with grief and Darkfire looked down at her helplessly. "They...I..." He trailed off and sighed, shaking his head. He made his way to the front of the crowd and turned to face the cats. "It's true," he declared, his voice ringing through the suddenly quiet camp. It sounded like a declaration of murder, and got the same reaction - nothing but silence. "It's true," he said again, clearing his throat. "I...I mated with all of these she-cats. Let them believe they were my only mate. All of their kits are mine." Muttering broke out around the camp, some toms shaking their heads, Darkfire's kits glancing around at one another awkwardly. Brindlestripe didn't seem to be able to keep her eyes off of the other she-cats, gaze wandering from one to the other, and the kits in between. And now you're back, you don't get to get me back And who do you think you are, running around leaving scars? Dawnfall rose to her paws, right in front of Darkfire, and his eyes widened, obviously dreading another she-cat screeching that she birthed his kits. But no - that wasn't Dawnfall's role in this. She stopped just in front of him - he was alone, for all of the cats standing around him had edged away, wondering why in the name of StarClan he had so many kits in the Clan. He looked small and weak, like every word was a lash across his shoulders. "See what happens when you play with flame? You get burned. You've just been exposed for the tom you really are - and no she-cat will fall for your tricks now." Darkfire met her gaze levelly - he was struggling to hold what little pride still remained in his eyes, but eventually that fled his expression as well, leaving nothing but bare humiliation. Collecting your jar of hearts, tearing love apart You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside your soul "I'm sorry," he said at last, turning to face the stares of all the she-cats who had turned on him angrily. "I'm sorry for treating you like that - for treating she-cats like a ball of moss to a kit. I don't think I'll ever properly be forgiven - but maybe I can start by being a father to my kits?" A few of the she-cats turned away, nudging their kits in front of them, obviously not wanting Darkfire anywhere near their children. But a few brave kits tumbled up to Darkfire, staring up at him with huge, owl-y eyes. He seemed unsure of what to do for a minute, but after a moment the kits pounced on his paws, squealing and landing kit-soft blows on them. He staggered, as if unsure how to respond, but after a moment seemed to relax and tickled them back with gentle paws. So don't come back for me, don't come back at all Who do you think you are? A soft pelt brushed against Dawnfall; she turned to purr at Dovesong, whose eyes were shining. "Unbelievable," she murmured to herself, shaking her head. "Darkfire, brought to light and being a father to his children. Maybe there'll be hope for my kits, eh?" She purred and padded off, flicking Darkfire over the shoulder with her tail as she went - he was on his back, the kits pummeling at his exposed belly and squealing. Dawnfall watched the tom, feeling her heart feel warm and heavy. Darkfire's apology didn't make up for the fact that what he did was wrong - but fathering his kits was a good start. Darkfire peered out from the downy kit fur that swarmed his head to catch her eye. She allowed herself to give him a small nod - and Darkfire, smiling, nodded back. Who do you think you are?